Random book notes

Some notes scribbled on an index card inside the book "Abba's Child" by Brennan Manning that I found

In my struggle to surrender to God's will, I am constantly bumping into the obstacle of overcoming my False Self and living in and living out the true Me that He has created me to be. This False Self was born out of my own need to compensate for a lack of love, acceptance, and out of a need to find an all around safety that eluded me growing up. Thus I created-- no, this I *let in* the impostor of False Self-- Compulsively seeking that "perfect image" for everyone else to see, to admire; ensuring attention without ever really being known.

Sometimes, as was inevitable, the facade cracked, ad in those bright cold moments, when my True Self became apparent, I was crushed by the failure of both my who I was under all that protection, and by the inability to maintain that 'perfect:" face.

As glamourous and fashionably deceptive as my large Jackie-O flasses-- my glittering False Self blinds me from the Light and Truth of my emptiness and hollow loneliness. The glitter of this falseness holds a perception of light, a lie that distorts my reality and diminishes my capacity to distinguish Truth.

The imposter is keen to the exact natrure, color, shape and size of all the veils I use to glamorously cover my broken emptiness. Weight, Hair, Skin, Makeup, Clothes, Speech, Intellegence, Money, Recognition, Power... all centering in being noticed rather than known. How I crave compliments! How my False Self shudders with delight in catching someone watching me. A flirtatious smile glitters off my veil of Conceit, my coverings, like blood diamonds, sparkle under the manufactured lights and settings.